Things I never said before I was a mom:

-Did I eat lunch today?
-Is that snot on my shirt?
-No, don't eat that bug!
-Did I brush my teeth this morning?
-Is that poop on my shirt?
-Don't put your hands in the toilet!
-Is that permanent marker on your face?
-Why did you take all 250 tissues out of the box?
-Is that poop on the floor?
-No, the white window seat is not a blank canvas!
-Who put these new, clean diapers in the trash?
-Is that poop all over your bed?

But my favorites are:
-I love my daughter & son!
-I'm so proud of my kids!
-Being a Mom is the best job I've ever had!
-Our children are a blessing from the Lord!